Useless Food Tips

September 7, 2014

If you’ve ever wanted to feel like a moron, try reading the recommendations on the packages of foods. In all my years of snacking, I’ve never had a single thought about how to keep ice cream looking fresh and tasting good. And to be told that I’ve been eating it all wrong after all these years, is downright humiliating.

Their major concern is that we don’t know how to eat ice cream the right way if we’re not putting the container in a plastic bag before freezing it. They think that nothing could be worse than ice cream with freezer burn.

Freezer burn?? Simple solution. Forget the plastic bag. Eat the whole container in one sitting. No freezer burn. Knowing that I might be making a gourmet faux pas by not putting the ice cream container in a plastic bag, my advice is to buy a couple of two-gallon ice cream containers and instead of having dinner, forego those essential calories and gorge yourself on two gallons of your favorite ice cream for dinner. Gone. No freezer burn.

Then there’s the tip about eating Cheetos. The author of that article tells you that it’s the cheese of those chips that get stuck to your fingers and makes a mess of your now, orange hands. To remedy that, they advise you to eat your Cheetos with a pair of chopsticks.

I don’t know about you, but during my snacking days, the last thing I’d be doing while trying to eat Cheetos without anyone knowing what I was doing, would have been to eat the chips with a pair of chopsticks. It would have taken the whole fun out of it because then I’d have to wash the chopsticks, dry them, and put them away before anyone saw me, and who wants to put damp chopsticks into a clean drawer?

And did you ever see these three or four-ounce containers of food that say it contains four servings? Perhaps four ants can share that container but most people could eat the whole box in one sitting, unless it’s the kind of food that expands as it’s cooking.

Give me the old days when people stuck to putting recipes on cans and frozen foods and didn’t tell you how to eat it or how many people it should serve.

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