Wait Until After the Holidays

November 28, 2014

The holidays tend to make us nostalgic, and many people make major decisions based on selective memories when they are feeling mellow, rather than on their true experiences of what really happened.

It’s so easy to fall under the holiday spell of peace on earth, good will toward men, that you let the memories of your painful childhood and adulthood fade into the background. It’s at those times that, in a moment of weakness and longing for love and acceptance, you might relent and agree to take care of the ailing relative who has been a thorn in your side all the days of your life.

While love and forgiveness are always to your benefit in healing old hurts, it doesn’t pay for you to forget that leopards don’t usually change their spots. The same things that caused you to end a relationship, could be the same things that will rear their ugly heads after the holidays, when you are firmly ensconced in your new responsibilities. Wait until the holidays are long gone before you make this kind of decision.

On the other hand, if you left home because you wanted to strike out on your own, and you didn’t leave because of a dysfunctional relationship with your family, it stands to reason that when you are at sixes and sevens and feeling alone and afraid, you might want the love and support of your family to help you over the bumps in the road.

But, it doesn’t always work out the way you thought it would. A woman I knew, was feeling lonely during the holidays, so she moved across the country to be near her family even though she knew they had never been very welcoming. She wanted to be near her family and hoped that with the passage of time, they would have mellowed and make her feel welcome when she moved back. She moved back and they made her feel no more welcome than when she left.

If your family’s dynamics have always been supportive, then the holidays will probably underscore the importance of moving back to your city, state, or country. But, again, wait until after the holidays end before you make that kind of decision. As Mark Twain said, “It is easier to stay out than to get out.”

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