While some people torment themselves ad infinitum, going round and round, asking themselves why something happened or didn’t happen, there are so many other people who never ask themselves that question. They make a general assumption but never delve further.
There’s a difference between never asking yourself what went wrong, in the hopes of coming up with an answer that will help you not to repeat an action, and not questioning themselves deeply enough, if at all.
When someone walks out on a lover, we often hear that person being described as a jerk or an asshole, either by the person who was abandoned or by that person’s friends. But what we don’t hear is the reasoning behind the decision to end an unsatisfactory relationship.
We often get to hear shortcuts like, “It’s not you; it’s me” or “He’s just not that into you” but these explanations say less than nothing. They don’t address some of the very real problems that existed but weren’t discussed.
Sometimes it’s just a feeling, rather than an action that raises red flags. It could be that the person is feeling suffocated by the relationship, e.g., the other person wanting a commitment long before they know each other well enough to warrant one.
If the relationship is in its first year, and you’re still testing the waters, seeing if you have enough common interests and like each other well enough to go the distance, it may feel too threatening to be asked to define your relationship. If that happens, there might not be a palatable way to tell someone to back off and give you space, so you may feel that a strategic retreat is easier than a confrontation.
The same can be said about people who keep questioning themselves about why they didn’t get a job, why they are always struggling to make ends meet, why they don’t have enough friends, why the people in their life betray them, etc. And sometimes, there are no good answers; sometimes, it’s just the roll of the dice.
But what if the answers can be found in yourself? Things that you are doing that bring about these difficult situations? What if it isn’t a case of luck or misfortune, or the other person being a jerk? What if it’s something you can correct? Shouldn’t you being asking “why”?