Blinded by Love

December 7, 2014

Most couples are either afraid to ask each other the hard questions before marriage or, they think that because they love each other so much, everything will work itself out once they’re married. But they couldn’t be more wrong. After the marriage vows are said, if there are major disagreements about the important issues, it could then become stumbling blocks to the relationship.

Take the issue of finances. Wouldn’t you like to know if your intended has a lot of debt before you say “I do” and become responsible for his or her previous debts? And wouldn’t you like to know his or her credit history? After all, your credit history is going to be affected by those joint debts. And what about your retirement funds? Are you depending on Social Security to meet your retirement needs or do you have a plan B in place in case Social Security isn’t enough or the government wipes it out?

And what about each other’s spending and savings habits? Without asking those hard questions, it’s like playing Russian Roulette. If you need a new car or have major car repairs, do you have enough cash or credit to repair the car or replace it? If you want to buy a house do you have enough for a down payment and will you qualify for a mortgage or, if you want to rent a house, do you have enough money for the first and last month’s rent and security deposit?

And what about children? Do you both want children or do you both want a childless marriage? And what about fertility problems? Do both of you want to try fertility treatments or do both of you want to bypass them and just not have any children? Are you both willing to adopt or both set against adoption? Make no mistake, if you want to have a happy marriage, both of you need to be in agreement on these issues.

These are just some of the hard questions that couples should be asking each other when they see that their relationship is getting serious. Too many couples are blinded by love or lust to risk hearing what they don’t want to hear and, when they have to deal with those issues after they are married, they become the first major stumbling blocks to their happiness.

Ignorance is not bliss; it’s foolhardy, and can only lead to unhappiness.

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