Children of Divorce

November 24, 2014

A couple of years ago, I saw an interview with a single man and a single woman who had decided to have a child together but they didn’t want to enter into a conventional relationship. They weren’t attracted to each other, nor did they want to have sex with one another or marry each other.

What they wanted was to have a child together by IVF, and be totally committed to the child rather than being committed to one another. They were more interested in each other’s character and wanting to see those traits in their child.

The plan was to live in the same house, share parenting responsibilities, make joint decisions regarding the raising of their child, and not to date anyone else during the time they are living together. In time, they would move on to other partners for a conventional marriage or other co-parenting partners.

Now, I’ve come across an article that talks about the same kind of co-parenting arrangement, but with a different twist.

The article talks about children being one of the reasons that couples stay together even when they outgrow their love for one another, or they want different things in life, or they just make each other miserable. Now, they are talking about co-parenting with different parameters.

The children will be told that their parents are divorcing but they will all be living in the same house. Not in the same bedroom, but in the same house. The big difference is that both parents will be free to date and to have sex with others, but they will need permission to bring their new significant other into the mix.

They said that in a traditional divorce, women often feel like they’ve been kicked to the curb, i.e., “I gave him the best years of my life and now he’s getting to do all the fun things, and I get to stay home with the kids and have all the responsibilities of a married woman with none of the fun things.”

Supposedly, this new co-parenting will eliminate those hard feelings. I say supposedly, because if your spouse is doing all those fun things, and you haven’t met anyone, there’s bound to be more hard feelings than if you were living in different houses and weren’t privy to your ex’s social calendar.

People adjust better when they have time to heal their wounds, not when their wounds are open suppurating sores, continually exposed to old hurts.

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