I often hear people questioning whether they are destined to be alone. It doesn’t seem to matter whether it’s male or female, divorced, widowed, or single, the question is always the same: Am I destined to be alone?
I don’t know if it’s a matter of destiny or a matter of the choices we make. What I do know is that the choices we make in our twenties are vastly different from the choices we make when we’re in our forties and fifties.
When we’re in our twenties, we have our whole life ahead of us and we don’t think in terms of settling for someone we’re not head over heels in love with. We are content to wait until we meet someone who sweeps us off our feet.
In our twenties and into our thirties, it’s often about a person’s looks, the chemistry between two people, money, and having a good time. As people get older, the criteria either changes or other things have been added to the list.
At that point, it starts to matter if the other person is ambitious enough to find ways of making a living in a downturn economy as well as in a prosperous economy. It also starts to matter if the other person wants children, would be a good parent, shares the same values, and wants the same things in life.
There are many reasons why people end up alone and it has nothing to do with destiny. Many people love the idea of being in love more than really wanting to be in a committed relationship. These people are often pegged as being too picky.
The reality is that many of these people don’t want to change their habits or their lives to accommodate a partner. They want things just the way they are and they are really looking for someone they can slot into their lifestyle rather than make a new beginning with a partner.
New relationships take a lot of work. They take time and energy and cut into any routine you have in place. They take compromise, understanding, a new form of communication, and a lot of patience until you get accustomed to one another.
So, before you ask, “Am I destined to be alone?” ask yourself if you really want to make the major adjustments that are required for having a committed relationship.