Do We Expect Too Much from a Relationship?

January 29, 2015

Too many women have been told that they expect the kind of partner they read about in romance novels or see on a movie screen. They’ve also been told that real relationships aren’t like that. And we’re not even talking about the guys in romance books who are six feet, four inches, with broad shoulders, perfect abs, and drop dead gorgeous faces and bodies. We’re talking about the kind of guy who is wonderful husband material.

I have to differ with the opinions of people who try to sell us on the idea that we want the fiction. not the reality. Good relationships really can mirror the heroes in romance novels and the silver screen; they can have many of the same qualities.

A good guy is still a good guy in a book or on the silver screen. He can still be head over heels in love with his wife and not cheat on her. He can still make her feel desirable and sexy. He can still make her feel that her opinions count and lets her be part of the decision-making of important purchases. And she can still make him feel like he’s king of her castle.

Most women aren’t looking for Superman, no matter how strong he is. They’re more inclined to look for Clark Kent who personifies a loyal, sensitive, good person.

They might drool over the good looks of Superman but they’d rather have Clark Kent, who comes across as dependable all the time, rather than just when an emergency occurs. Superman is always flying off somewhere to battle the bad guys. That can get old very fast. Most women want a man to stick around in the evenings to talk to and snuggle with; they don’t want him flying off somewhere.

The interesting thing is that money and good looks are at the bottom of the list. At the top of the list is someone who listens to her. She’s not looking for him to solve her problems; she just wants to tell him about them. And she’s looking for companionship, someone who enjoys her company and doesn’t make it seem like a hardship to spend a quiet evening at home with her or go someplace interesting with her.

There are always crises or arguments that have to be dealt with, both in the movies and in romance novels but, whereas we’re usually assured of a happy ending in books and movies, real life can be very different.

Maybe we do want more of the fiction in our relationships but, maybe it’s also necessary to have that little bit of romance with it too, to offset the large doses of reality that we have to deal with all the time.

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