Getting the Right Partner

July 1, 2014

Another century has passed and we’re still sabotaging ourselves when it comes to relationships. You would think that we would have learned our lesson by now but we haven’t.

I’m talking about very smart women who are also career-oriented and aggressive by nature, and I’m talking about men who feel threatened by them.

I keep seeing these very capable women downplay their intelligence, their earning capacity, and their business acumen in order to find a man who will love them. And then they are so surprised when their relationship falls apart.

It’s not surprising at all. They can’t be themselves; they are always playing a part, as if they are starring in a nineteenth century movie where women were taught that they must never appear smarter than their boyfriends or they won’t get a marriage proposal.

For some bizarre reason, it’s fine if a man is smarter and richer than his girlfriend or wife, but it’s not all right if a woman is smarter and richer than her boyfriend or husband.

While there are always exceptions to every rule, men seem to equate a woman’s greater intelligence and larger earning capacity as a threat to their manhood. They often feel as though they should be the ones to hunt and forage for food, and they should be the aggressor in a relationship, the one who pursues the woman, not the one who is pursued by the woman.

I have watched countless women settle for men who aren’t ambitious and who can’t hold their own in a conversation. And yet, the men are smart enough to feel the disparity between the two and to eventually resent their partner.

Whenever I see a woman whose choice of previous partners kept crashing and burning, I always try to make them see the importance of finding someone who is their equal or, who at least doesn’t feel threatened by the difference in their situations.

It can’t be easy for a woman to pretend she is less than she is in order to make a man feel like he is more than he is. And it can’t be easy for a man to pretend that it doesn’t bother him.

If you’re going to have an unequal relationship, at least try to find someone who truly doesn’t mind the difference.

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