Having Babies

April 27, 2013

I’m not quite sure where the sayings that a baby will make your marriage stronger, or a baby will bring you closer together, or a baby will save your marriage, came from, but it’s just not true. If anything, having a baby can highlight all the cracks in your marriage.

Before you have a child, you might not be wholly appreciative of all the hours you can sleep at night without being disturbed. If you have things on your mind and you can’t get to sleep that night, well, tomorrow is another day and you can make up for the lack of sleep tomorrow night or on the weekend.

Most parents, if they are honest, will tell you that for the first six months, or longer, you can say goodbye to your undisturbed sleep. If you are lucky enough to have a partner to share the parenting jobs during the first year, you can sleep part of the time. You might hear the baby crying in the background but you can at least have a partial sleep.

On the other hand, if your baby develops colic, no one sleeps. Even if you have a willing partner who shares the parenting role, the noise is usually so ear-splitting that neither of you can sleep, even partially.

At this point, you might be asking yourselves why you thought having a child was such a good idea. Fifty years ago, it was a given. If you were married, you were expected to go forth and procreate. If you didn’t want children you were selfish. If you couldn’t have children you were to be pitied.

So much has changed in society. Nowadays, it isn’t a given that if you are married you have to have children. Men and women talk about traveling and buying a home before they start a family. And many couples talk about not having children at all.

Of course, there are many unplanned pregnancies and that is a different story, but I think that if you are going to deliberately bring children into this world, you need to ask yourself if this is the road you really want to travel.

Children should be wanted by both parents and they should be loved by both parents, even if, later on, both parents decide to divorce. Once you have a child, that child is here to stay and deserves to be loved and wanted.

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