In the old days, long before the Internet, speed dating, singles bars, dating apps, and online exchanging of photos, people met through introductions by family members or friends, or through religious groups. They spent a long time getting to know each other.
They went on dates, usually with another couple or in groups until they got to know each other well enough to know whether they felt comfortable enough to go out as a couple without other people accompanying them. There was also a sense of responsibility to treat their date well because, in all likelihood, your date was the daughter or niece of someone you, or a family member, knew.
Enter the computer, online dating, singles bars, dating apps just by looking at pictures of each other on your Smartphone, and there is no such thing anymore as waiting until you know each other really well before you start picking out china patterns and looking at houses.
It still confuses me every time I hear someone talk about meeting someone a couple of times and they’re talking about marriage. They even go so far as to ask, “What’s your sun sign? Oh, we’re compatible; let’s get married.”
Marriage is a serious matter. It’s more than being in the same religion or liking the same movies or reading the same books. When you know someone really well, you’re able to see whether each other’s quirks and habits annoy you or endear you to each other. There is so much about each other that takes a long time to get to know, that are able to be covered up before the real person emerges from underneath the “getting to know you” phase.
My head actually spins when I hear people, who have just met, talk about introducing each other to their families and wanting to spend all their time with each other because they are so sure they’re going to get married. More often than not, it doesn’t work out that way.
They may meet each other’s families and get along with them. They may even like each other very much and share many of the same interests, but that’s not enough of a basis for getting married. It’s only the basis for going on more dates, seeing the way each one handles life’s problems, observing their temperament, their actions, and a myriad of other traits that make up a marriage.
It doesn’t even take into account how they handle money, what their attitudes are toward spending, saving, investing, credit history, their financial obligations, or their financial plans for the future. Or even if they have a financial plan for the future.
Everything today is at such warp speed, that it has more of the feeling, “Hello, my name is Adam. We like the same movies and we laugh at the same things; let’s get married.” And then we wonder why so many married couples are having affairs and getting divorced.