Choosing Your Battles Carefully When I was much younger, everything seemed so important and I argued passionately for so many issues. And then I got older and realized that most things are relatively unimportant. If you’re married or living with a roommate, who cares if the towels are folded this way or that way? In the larger scheme of things, who cares how the dishwasher is stacked or if the dishes are left in the sink? If your spouse were …
There must be millions of in-laws stories or jokes like if you look up the word Satan in the dictionary, you’ll see a picture of my mother-in-law holding a pitchfork, with horns growing out of her head. But the reality is not humorous. Many a marriage counselor has heard stories about how the in-laws are ruining their clients’ marriages. “If only they weren’t around, we would have a wonderful life, but . . .” And many a husband or wife …
Sibling rivalry is perhaps the most difficult thing for a child to experience and for a parent to handle. No matter how often a parent tries to reassure a child that she loves all her children equally, that’s not necessarily what the child feels. Think of it this way . . . you have several friends and you all hang out together frequently. You may feel more comfortable with one of your friends whom you regard as a kindred spirit. …
I was trying to get an early start on sending out holiday cards so I was looking on the Internet for inspiration for something festive but different. Instead, I saw something different, but so far from festive, and so offensive, I had to write about it. It starts with the friend sending a note to Bridezilla: “I still have your candles.” Bridezilla responds: “Yrs sucks but really will help us with bills.” The friend goes on to explain: “What I …
Cinderella might have been our society’s earliest awareness of the hardships encountered in a blended family. But, whereas the prince rescues Cinderella and carries her off into the sunset for their happily-ever-after ending, most families don’t have that happy ending. When a divorced parent remarries, it can be hard enough on the children, especially when they keep hoping and praying that their parents will get back together. When there are children from that marriage, whether they are going to live …
When I first heard the term, co-parenting, I immediately thought of couples who were divorced and were sharing custody of their children. I was wrong; that’s shared custody, not co-parenting. Then I thought of gay and lesbian couples who wanted children and that wasn’t right, either, because they were in a sexual relationship with each other so they didn’t qualify as co-parents. Then I thought of my client who wanted a child with her lover, but she didn’t want to …
At a time when marriage vows explicitely stated “as long as you both shall live,” I remember being at a wedding where the vows ended with “for now.” We all looked at each other, shock registering on our faces and thinking to ourselves that this marriage was over even before it started. Looking back at that time, this couple stayed together longer than most of the couples who promised “to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, …
Many years ago, I had a client who had been having an affair with a man she didn’t want to marry. However, she did want to have a child with him. She selected very well. He had good genes. No craziness in his family, a conventional background, good-looking, stable income, well-educated, and socially adept. My curiosity roared to life. With all these acknowledged excellent traits, why wouldn’t she want to marry him, especially if she was attracted to him sufficiently …
Ask most people what they think is the cause of marriages falling apart and they are likely to tell you that they are no longer attracted to their spouse or that they can’t communicate with each other. They may say that when they first started going together they couldn’t keep their hands off one another and now they seldom touch each other. They may say that their sex life has become routine, not enough foreplay, not enough diversity, not interesting …
One of the most interesting phenomenons is that of the men and women whose relationships have ended for very obvious reasons and after a while, they will decide they have made a mistake and will want to get back with their ex. Do You Really Want Him Back? Her story: You have complained to everyone that he’s too demanding, too controlling, too sloppy or too neat, and you have no life of your own. Every minute of your day is …