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A World Gone Mad

It’s been proven time and again that we feel more compassion toward an individual than we do toward a group of people. But, now we’re looking at a slightly different dynamic. Why are we feeling more compassionate toward a homeless man who plays the piano brilliantly than we are toward a 90-year-old man who has been arrested three times for feeding the homeless? In both cases, the plight of the homeless is the center of the controversy. Yes, this particular …

Pitfalls of Explaining Your Life Away

If you are a minor and living at home and your parent asks you where you’re going and with whom, you are required to answer the questions. But if you are not living under their roof, or if you are still living at home, but you are contributing an equal share of the expenses of the house, then you are not required to answer anything that infringes on your privacy. No one else has the right to question your comings …

Co-parenting – No Messy Love Involved

When I first heard the term, co-parenting, I immediately thought of couples who were divorced and were sharing custody of their children. I was wrong; that’s shared custody, not co-parenting. Then I thought of gay and lesbian couples who wanted children and that wasn’t right, either, because they were in a sexual relationship with each other so they didn’t qualify as co-parents. Then I thought of my client who wanted a child with her lover, but she didn’t want to …

The Thanks in Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving has always been a difficult holiday for me. From the time I was a very little girl and only wanted to eat a turkey with feathers . . . to when I became an adult and knew, with absolute conviction, that cooking would never be one of my better skills . . . to becoming an aware adult, that we only think about feeding the poor and homeless at holidays when we can feel magnanimous and spiritual, and seldom …

The Starter Wife

A number of years ago, I heard the term “starter wife.” The definition was “The woman you meet and marry while at university or in training who helps put you through school, has your children, and runs your home and contributes financially while your career is being established, and then when you have made it career-wise, you ditch her for a younger, fresher version who coos over you and worships you.” While the terminology was newer, the concept certainly wasn’t. …

Working from Home vs. Office

Before you go running to your boss telling him that studies show you will be more productive if you work from home, ask yourself if this is really so. On the one hand, you can miss the unproductive meetings that managers and head honchos seem to think are so important but, instead, take up valuable time, accomplishing little or nothing. You can also avoid all the ASAP emails that you feel compelled to answer immediately simply because everyone knows you’re …

Smart Old Maids

In my day, women married young, had babies when they were scarcely past their own childhood, and also divorced at a fairly young age. I remember hearing mothers telling their very intelligent daughters not to let their boyfriends think they were smart because otherwise, they would end up as old maids. They were also told to work as secretaries until they married the boss (it’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man) …

The Agony of Decision-Making

It always used to surprise me that people who were so smart and so accomplished could agonize every time they had to make a decision. At first, I thought this was a rarity but, later on, I discovered that far from being a rare occurrence, a lot of people suffered the same distress. My first reaction was to see if their inability to make decisions was caused by depression or fear but, what I found was that the reason most …

Rushing Into Relationships

Men and women enter the dating scene so differently. Men seem to want to nail down a relationship very quickly. He pursues the woman relentlessly, and then, when he is sure that she’s hooked, he withdraws. She might hear him say things like, “We need to take a break . . . We’re going too fast . . . I need space . . . We need to date other people for a while,” etc. And with words like that, …

Teen Sues Parents

Does any adult past the age of thirty-five remember not having arguments with your parents? It has always seemed like a rite of passage . . . feeling like you are being treated like a child, feeling like you want to leave home, feeling like you can’t do all the things you want to do. Somehow, it goes with the territory. But, here’s the thing. If you’re old enough to leave home, then you’re old enough to make your own …

Connie H. Deutsch